Goodbye 2005

It has been a different year. Too much bad stuff but a lot of good stuff too. A lot of endings and some new beginnings. The year is ending on a good note though, and I have high hopes for a good 2006.

I have a question for everyone. Please leave your answer in the comments and feel free to ask me one too.

If you could change one thing that happened in 2005 what would it be?

Sunday

Well, I guess we all get to miss it. I had a long post written today about babies, friendships and love. I even saved it to drafts to make sure I didn't lose it while I seached for links and photos to attach. I got those all edited in and when I hit the publish post button, it ALL DISAPPEARED!! Gone, nowhere to be found.

I guess we will just have to suck it all up.

Holy shit

This is my second weekend in a row at home. It's been months since I can say that. I feel as if I've been everywhere and I can't remember what everywhere is. If that sentence doesn't make sense to you that's because it's not supposed to. That's how I feel.

By the way, did you see what I wrote on my sidebar about trying to write a couple times a week and changing my focus of what my blog is meant to be? HAHAHA... I am fucking hilarious aren't I? I really thought that I could do that when I wrote it at least a month ago.

I have no idea what to do with this blog. I want it to flow freely and be some kind of essence of me and my creativity, but I wasn't even able to set it up or personalize it myself. Chair did all that. THANKS CHAIR I LOVE IT!. She knows me better than I do sometimes.

Anyways, this post is going kinda off sounding like I am in a sort of self destructive mood and I really am not. I am feeling frustrated with myself over this blog thing though. I think I am just getting those feelings out.

Hey, isn't that what I said I wanted to do here? How about that, it's sorta kinda working after all. Holy shit.

More photos

I finally updated Flickr. That's enough for tonite.

I am tired.

My seasonal allergies seem to have found a strong hold on me this week. If its anything like the past two years, every time it is cloudy and rainy, any dampness at all and I will be bagged and this year that's everyday. Not much sunshine going on here.

That and work has kicked into high gear. I have been very busy, which is absolutely fabulous, but I am feeling it.

I went to bed and pretty much straight to sleep at 8:30 last night. I slept straight through to my alarm clock at 6 this morning and I still feel bagged. That's the allergies, I know. Tonight I am going to take it easy again, hit the hay relatively early and since tomorrow is Saturday, I am going to sleep until I have to wet the bed.

I also have to start eating better. I have been really lax on my diet the past two months. I've been eating out much too much and not getting enough fruits and veggies. I tend to eat bad when I eat out. I feel as if it is a treat to eat out, so therefore I can treat myself to what I want and I don't have to stick to what's good for me. AND MORE WATER, LESS COFFEE. When I am tired I drink more coffee, which dehydrates me which makes me tired which triggers more coffee. It is a bad cycle and hard for me to break because I love coffee. The stronger the better.

And exercise. I have not been doing my share. I get more at my new job, the washroom and coffee room are at the opposite end of the building from my office and the office is at least 4 times as big as my previous job, so I know I am moving around more during the day. But I also know that's not enough. I need to get on my bike again or at least start walking the dogs a couple times a week. But my allergies drag me down and I just want to go to bed...

thinking

Lately I have found myself thinking a lot about my body. The shape of it. I am carrying around fifty pounds too much. Over all this doesn't really bother me much. Of course I would love to fit into a size 9 or even a 11 again, but I know that it is an unrealistic thought. I could drop the weight if I really dedicated myself to it, but I don't really care to put myself through that. I am comfortable enough with myself to enjoy my bad habits with out guilt. I think I deserve that. What I have really been thinking about is my breast reduction surgery. It won't be happening for at least another 10 months but I am excited.

I am starting to resent my heavy hanging hurting breasts. I think I never quite realized just quite how heavy, how hanging and how hurting they were until I decided to pursue the surgery and set out on this road. Now I don't want to wait. I want them gone now!

I think my current resentment with them also comes from a need to update my closet. My new job needs some new clothes. I need to be attempting a more professional look for my position. My current closet is more business casual than business professional. I have been trying on a lot of clothing and nothing fits right.

A few months ago, I probably wouldn't have been so sensitive to it but now, knowing it isn't always going to be this way, I don't want to settle. An okay fit just doesn't cut it anymore. Besides a professional closet is more expensive than the casual look and I am having trouble spending money on "okay". Especially if I am going to have to do this all over again after the surgery next summer.

Mind you, I expect clothing of all styles will fit better then. Except the bottom half of my body. That half I will have to actually work on myself. After I go eat my cherry blossom in bed.

Its time

for more photos. This is a sampling of what I've been up to this past summer. Tami, I tried to email some photos, but they came back saying your new email address wasn't valid. Please send it to me again, I must have screwed it up.

Today I woke up

and I was 40 yrs old. So what! To me 40 is not that bad at all. I have lived about half my life now and it has been good. I still have another 40 yrs or more to make it even better.

I am proud of what I have accomplished, and look forward to learning much much more. When I think about how much I thought I knew 10 yrs ago and how much more I have learned since then, I can't help but look forward. I know I can't possibly imagine what lessons I will have learned by the time I wake up 50, only because I had no idea what lessons I was going to learn by the time I was 40.

I like to think "But I am much smarter now, so I can imagine what I will learn by looking at what I have learned, and I am cocky enough to let myself think that some days, BUT, I am also smart enough now (from lessons learned) to know that isn't true.

Have I confused you yet? It's like that at 40.

My god!

How do you guys do it? Everyday I think about posting. Everyday I don't seem to find the time. I guess its just not very high up on my priority list.

Life is good.

I love my new job. It is what I was meant to be doing. It is the perfect fit for me. They want me to do my job exactly the way I have been saying for years customer service/sales jobs should be done. They actually want me to serve my clients best interests. Even if it doesn't make any money for the company. I know, a lot of companies I have worked for say the same thing, but then do the opposite. They don't actually practice what they preach. These guys do.

I am probably getting into dangerous ground blogging about this, but I feel very passionate about it. I can't believe I am being paid to do this.

On another note, we are getting cable back on Monday, so the computer will be much more available to me and my blogging whims. Maybe I will be able to start posting with some kind of regularity.

Life is good.

Wow, what a month.

July
Come and gone
changes
happiness
miles and miles and
smeared bugs on the windshield
joy
learning
loving
exciting
ying and yang
confirmed
resolute
final
completed
redeemed

I kinda like it.

I am sitting here at Chair's place. This is the first time in weeks that I have had more than 10 minutes in a row all to myself and I don't really know what to do with myself. I have already done about 2 hours of reading. I am unpacked and ready for tomorrow. I gave Job a good brushing over and had a long chat with him. Its really quite nice. Since I'm not at my home, I don't have piles of laundry, stacks of dishes, errands or much of any responsible like stuff to do.

I think I like it.

My last day at my old job was Friday. Tomorrow I start a week on training for my new job. An exciting new job that I am really looking forward to. It will have many challenges and learning opportunities for me. The kind I like and I want to jump right in with both feet.

However, the people I spent 40 hours or more with every week are still much on my mind. The job itself, not so much, but the people for sure.

I miss you guys already and hang in there Neesja, you just do what you can and the rest will take care of itself. What needs to get done will.

Hmm...

You scored as Cultural Creative.



Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative 94%
Idealist 69%
Modernist 63%
Existentialist 63%
Materialist 63%
Romanticist 56%
Postmodernist 50%
Fundamentalist 31%

Take this quiz yourself, go to:

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320

NOW!

I want to go home right NOW!

533

sleeps to Christmas 2006, 8 sleeps until I finish my current job, 10 sleeps until K & I spend a week with Chair, J & Theya, 11 sleeps until I start my new job, 22 sleeps until K & I go see Avril and stay with Chair, J & Theya again & thanks to K sitting here reminding me (& correcting my spelling AND punctuation) 46 sleeps until I turn 40.

23 seconds until this sweet face is grounded.

HOLY SHIT Batman

There has been way too much going on in my life. Kaitlin and I went on our road trip last Wednesday, got home Monday night. I went back to work Tuesday am and I haven't had 2 minutes to myself since July 5th. Literally. Even my dreams, when I find my mind slows down enough to get there, are full of everyone else.

But my time has been filled with good things. All of it good.

I had so much fun with my buddy Kaitlin on our trip. Tuesday morning when I got up to go to work and she got to sleep in, I missed her. I found my thoughts wandering to her all that day.

And tonight we had to say goodbye to "The Briere's". They have become such a big part of our lives the past 4 years. We will miss them sorely, but wish them lots of fun and amazing adventures in their new home in Ottawa. I am going to start the official countdown to when we get to hang out with them again.

534 sleeps to our arrival in Ottawa for Christmas 2006!


I promise to get some pictures posted soon. I have found a few minutes to get them uploaded from my camera, but I now have to get them all on flickr and then I can post a few here. I actually took about 150 pictures in the past week. I know flickr won't let me upload them all there, but I will get the best ones on.

I was going to put just one on for now, but flickr is currently having a massage, I am not.

Whats new?

I have put a few things to rest in my mind. We are not buying any land this week, or next week. Dean picked up a good used beater to get him to work and back and we do not feel it is in our best interests to trade down what we have now. We were looking at trading in our family car for something smaller, cheaper, better on fuel and more importantly, lower monthly payments. But when it came right down to it, saving $50/mth is not worth giving up the space, air conditioning & ride. It's too late, I have been spoiled.

I met with my boob doctor yesterday. Everything checked out fine, I can expect to go from my current state to a size B to C chest area in approximately ONE YEAR! It took me 6 mths just to meet with her. Now that I have decided to go ahead and do this, the wait is killing me. I don't want to buy any clothes, but I need some tops badly. But nothing fits right and why buy something that isn't gonna fit in a YEAR? Wait, that's a year, I can damn well wear out a few things by then. I am going to buy some new tops dammnit.

A whole year, sigh.

I am told this surgeon is worth the wait though. And really, what's one more year after 25 with this pair? I can wait a year for perky, not to mention better posture, neck and back relief and losing 5 lbs in an hour.

Still, a whole year, sigh.

I got the rest of my planting done. The mosquitoes enjoyed it as well. I need to find something to keep the cats out of a section of my garden though. There is a neighbourhood cat or two that think this corner is the best place to crap. Any ideas out there? Last night Kaitlin and I made a huge mud mess that will hopefully keep them out for a day or two. I have been using moth balls this year which does work, but it stinks when you walk near and the rain washes them away. I have been told that orange peels and or egg shells work. Has anyone tried this?

Oh yeah, and I am on holidays now. The piles didn't all get done, but someone else will have to worry about it for the next 2 weeks.

Saturday was the best day I have had in months.





There is really something to putting daily worries and stress away and relaxing. Looking ahead to a couple of weeks of relaxation is just what I needed. And I got to spend some cuddle time with Theya.

Too much

There is soooooooo.... much going on in my world this week. Mom and I took a look at some property for sale about 5 minutes out of town that we MAY, big may, be interested in. Dean and I are talking with a few people about a few different cars. Work is verry crraaaazzzzzie busy and I need to get the whole damn pile plus the other pile, plus the other, other pile, plus my follow up, plus look ahead and deal with some of what "might" come up in the next 2 weeks while I'm on holidays before 5 o'clock tomorrow. PLUS, there is another big thing I can't talk about. And then its final exam week for my newest teenager. And I have the consultation with my boob doc on Monday. Volunteer luncheons and get togethers and school year end wrap up stuff. Oh yeah, I still haven't planted my tomatoes in the ground yet and I have a few flowers to put in pots or the ground still.

SO, I am not going to write more than a Hi!, and give you some more pictures of what I can't believe I live next too.

Its here! Its here! Its here!

My camera has arrived. I have been testing it out a bit. It looks like I have a lot to learn. I picked up this book but I haven't opened it yet.

I was going to post a picture of the view from my desk at work, but I have decided it would not be a good idea. Work and blog don't go together. So instead I will give you a photo of a view from my hometown.




Whenever I see something like this in my town, I can't believe I actually live next to this.

sigh..

Still not here. I checked my order status. It was shipped. It was supposed to arrive on June 14, 2005. I will give it one more day.

While I wait, what do you want to see a picture of? I have decided the first photo I am going to post is going to be of the view from my desk at work. I look out onto the busiest street in town and on the other side of it is a gas bar, grocery store and large hotel/restaurant/bar thingie, all with either apartment buildings or trailer courts peeking out from behind.

But it is so damn green right now. All this rain has made the earth spew green. I love June green. It is my second favorite colour. My favorite being the contrast of that same green against a dark foreboding thunderstorm skyline. Something like this:




or this:




I just love all the raw power in scenes like these. I always thought I would grow up to be a storm chaser. It would be an awesome holiday, chasing storms across the countryside.

Still nothing

It's still not in. I got to pick my delivery date when I ordered it and I picked the first available date, Tuesday June 14th. If its not here tomorrow, I will seriously be upset.

The great divorce is what will happen when Dean finds out I bought it. We are supposed to be paying down our credit cards, not shopping. I have been doing very well at the debt reduction thing, but I won't fool myself. I am only doing it so I can rack it up again on my holiday. And what's a holiday without tons of photos? And why wouldn't I get a new camera that will allow me to show the internet world what I did?

I want to be the next great flickr slut! I will be the next great flickr slut. C'mon, say it with me, "Monarch, you are the next great flickr slut".

I hope I didn't accidentally pick June 14th, 2006.

Damn!

It didn't come in yet. The great divorce will have to wait another day or two.

I am going

to pick up my camera!!

Flicker slut coming soon

I have ordered myself a digital camera. Nothing fancy. But a pretty good one, as far as I would know anyway. I can't wait to start snapping away and addicting myself to Flicker. I promise I am going to make you sick of my flick.

I have been wanting one for over a year now. I want to be able to post & email pic's like the rest of the world and I have always had an interest in photography. I asked for one for my 40th birthday this August, but I am planning a road trip during my two weeks holidays that start in 13 sleeps, Yah baby!, and I want a good camera for this trip.

Kaitlin & very likely my mom-in-law and I are heading south through Drumheller to Calgary and then back up to the north through the Rockies. There will be quite a few firsts for Kaitlin, like the Tyrell Museum and the Calgary Zoo, and a few for me too, like the Columbia Ice Fields and Jasper. I am hoping we have time to stop at the Miette Hot Springs too. My point anyway, is that I can't wait for August for this camera.

So, I have decided not to wait, and on Tuesday I get my birthday gift early. Dean doesn't know yet, so unless he reads this, which is very unlikely, he will only find out if you tell him. Of course I will show him what he bought me when it arrives. Kinda a reverse birthday gift where the surprise is on the giver not the getter.

I am very excited about this trip, and even more about the camera and all the flicker possibilities. I am a little concerned about my mood on this trip though. I will be either pre-menstrual, which means anything could happen, or I will be menstrual, which means migraine city.

Oh well. I refuse to let hormones in on my fun this time around. I am not the monarch for nothing. I will rule!

June

My absolute favorite month of the year

Fresh
new
green
sweet smelling
THUNDER
rain
bright
Fresh
loverly
Fresh

May

Done
Over
Finished
Hairy
Kaput

Testing, testing, 1,2..

Okay, here goes...

hows this?

Grey

Its a gray Saturday morning. I was planning on having a coffee on my desk in the morning sun, but alas, no cooperation from Mom Nature today. So I am having my coffee catching up on the computer. Its been so long since I've really posted.

Ada I know you wanted a picture of my butt blister, but it healed before I got around to it. I'm been hoping for a digital camera for my 40th birthday this sumer, so I am trying to get the hang of the whole posting pic's to my blog thing. So in honour of your request, I will test my first attempt at my photo bloggin abilities with this.


http://flickr.com/photos/46519758@N00/16084619/

THANK YOU

THANK YOU to Charity. For the wonderful personalization of my site for me. Not only did she get it all on here for me, as I have absolutely no idea how to do this, she also contributed her own artwork and design to this site. Isn't it fab!

I Love you Chair and thanks a ton.

Sanity?

Well... I want to write but don't know where to start. My mind hasn't been much of itself for a while now. I do however feel myself starting to come back. I've haven't had any real bad days lately, just a few bad moments and even some really good hours during this past week.

I doubt my sanity at least twice an hour.

But the meds do take time to work, a few weeks before they are really churning seratonin into my brain, so I can't expect to be myself overnight.

The thing that keeps running around with all that extra seratonin in my brain is, is this who I really am? Am I the real me with the chemicals all balanced or is the real me the chemically unbalanced person? Which me do I want to be?

I like the ease of the balanced brain, but I find that while the lows aren't so low, the high aren't so high either. I don't get as down, but I don't seem to be able to really enjoy things. I enjoy things, I just don't "really" enjoy things. Its hard to explain, but I feel like I am just riding in the car and the scenery isn't really changing much. Oh, there's a hill, and here's a valley, but its just a hill and a valley. No mountains, no rivers, no forests, no wildlife, just a field with a hill and a valley, and another field with another hill and another valley.

I also wonder how..... .....how I can be in the middle of a writing a thought and completely forget what I was thinking ................................................ hum ..............................................
ummm ................................................ insomnia? ............... nope ..................................................... lack of libido ........................................... nope ...............................................
......................................................................... hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm ........................... what the hell was I wanting to say?????????????

(I had no idea where my brain went to, so I went back to what I was writing before and added a few more sentences and then, Bam, hormones!)

Oh yeah, hormones! I am really starting to think that this depression (no lets call it the chemical imbalance thing cause it doesn't come with a that feeling that the word depression brings on, the depressed feeling) this chemical imbalance thing I've got going is really strongly tied into hormones. Does anyone know of any good websites that might give me some help in exploring a possible connection? I found this & this & this and I am even more convinced now.

Mothers day

Happy Happy Mothers Day to my Mom and all the Moms out there.

As a Mom, this day is very important to me. It doesn't have to be special in any extra way. I still do laundry, cook a meal, etc. Its just the knowing that society knows what special people moms are. How important they are in our world.

Every last one of them.

Not to take anything away from non moms, they are just as important, dads even get their own day. Just that stop in our lives to say "Wow, you rock!"

To my mom "Wow, you rock!"

April

I've been putting this one off, but since it is now May, I feel I should just get it over with.

April

Foggy
Gritty
Tease
seeds
dirt
worms
mold
chills
pussy willows
foggy
rough
drugged
confused
foggy
thank
god
its
over

How now brown cow?

Anyone know where that saying comes from? I know its from my childhood, but I can't remember from what? Sesame Street? Dr. Seuss? Nestle Quik commercial? Anyone?

And what the hey, I guess I'll give and do the stupid survey.

- Total number of music files on your computer? I dunno, how do I find out?

- The last CD you bought was? Rob Thomas

- What is the last song you listened to before reading this message? The 11th track on the Rob Thomas CD, I think this CD will be one of my favorites for a while although its so new I haven't made it through the whole disc yet.

- Name five songs that you often listen to or mean a lot to you. Only 5? Okay, I'll try.....

The songs I always go back to and listen to over and over again are songs that make me feel like singing loudly along with or make me cry, for happiness or sadness.

1) Everybody hurts - REM
2) Some kind of wonderful - Sky
3) Happy together - Turtles
4) Alan Frew's whole first CD, self titled. It just makes me happy.
5) Constant Craving - KD Lang

- Which 3 people are you going to pass this stick to and why?

1) Neesja, its time you started your own blog.
2) Craig, its time you put something on your blog
3) Blaine, because I really want to know.

I am so damn lucky

Really I am. Today was a good day. Nothing fantastic or anything, but a good fair day. The first day since the bad day I haven't felt like I was on eggshells with myself. I relaxed and enjoyed things as they came along. It also was the first day that my clients didn't overwhelm me by all wanting my immediate attention at the same time.

But I just wanted to say THANK YOU to my coworkers and my family. Everyone has been nothing but wonderful and understanding. You guys make me happy to be alive. You guys are what is real and true in my life.

Thanks for being what I needed when I needed it.

this sucks

I lost it, completely, out of control.

I had a busy, but good day yesterday. An excellent evening last night. A good morning, even singing along to the song to the CD on the way to work this morning. And then...

I wasn't at work more than 2 minutes and my first anoyance of the day turned my mood to cranky. Within an hour I was damn pissed. Before I even made it to lunch, I lost control of my emotions.

I totally freaked out on my boss. I couldn't stop crying. I wasn't yelling, but I did raise my voice. I couldn't help it, I had. Absolutely. NO. CONTROL. !!!. I was also completely embarrased & shocked at the same time. I was trying so hard to stop and I couldn't. I couldn't believe myself. I'm pretty sure I didn't offend anyone, but I was a blubbing mess. I am very blessed to have a boss who is very compassionate and understanding and loves me like family. We are a family where I work, and we sincerely appreciate each other even with all our faults, but that is another post. What I really want to say is what happened next. In the middle of this blubbering mess of liquid emotional breakdown, I realized exactly what was happening.

I have been slowly trying to wean myself off of my antidepressants. I have been taking them for 4 years now. I have weaned myself from 20mg every day to 10 mg every 2nd day over the last several months, taking it slowly, and today was my first attempt at 2 days in a row without them.

As soon as this thought made itself clear in my quivering mass of grey jelly, I explained it to my boss, then went straight home, crying all the way, and took 20 mg.

I am still a mess right now, but a controlled mess.

this sucks

My bike and I

I got on my bike last night and Kaitlin and I biked just over halfway to the office I work at and back, approx 7-8 km's. It felt wonderful. It is my warm up/test to see if I am ready to starting biking to work everyday and leaving the golden gaz gussler at home. Kaitlin of course on her new bike would fly by me every few minutes yelling "Right, right, right" signalling that she is going to pass me on my right and I should stay left, just like in the movie Spanglish. It was funny at first, but then I got tired of it, only because she kept passing me. I tried to do it to her once, but I didn't quite get passed her. Damn it.

Anyways, there are three hills on that trail that have the potential to give me really sore legs. Two going and one coming back. The worst is the one coming back. I didn't even try that one, I got off at the bottom and walked up it. Kaitlin rode all the way up. Damn it. By the end of my biking to work stint last year I had only made it up that one once.

The first one on the going I made about half way, the second one I made it all the way. Both of these I was doing with no problem by the end of last summer, but couldn't do when I first started.

I did better than I expected, but not as well as I hoped. You see, I had been trying to keep myself more conditioned over this past winter, and I had been doing very well until about the middle of March, then I really slacked off. I guess it worked as well as I did.

Tonight I go again and I tomorrow I bike to work with my butt blister avoidance shorts.

I come & I look

Everyday I come to my site and look. Everyday I think I should blog something, anything. Everyday I have no idea where to start. I read 7 blogs daily. Some update very regular, some don't. I really enjoy the ones that blog regular. Those people seem to have a lot of interesting or at least entertaining things to say. I want to write everyday, about me, what I am thinking, feeling, what's happened or didn't happen. Everyday I don't know where to start. The things I really want to blog about will get me in trouble, I can't say those thoughts or feelings. The rest just seem plain old boring. I usually end up writing what I did or my family did that day. Then it's really boring. Who cares what time I had a shit, or how many times I did dishes.

This all makes me think my life is mundane, boring and not much to talk about. I know its not that bad, and I kind of enjoy the thought of a easy going, uneventful time in my life, but its certainly not a good one for blogging.

I just may have to make up an alter-ego for my blogging pleasure. Would it be okay to blog about who pissed me off at work today, or how stupid the management is at the place I work, if I used a different name and it wasn't me saying these things?


At the very least, my alter-ego could have interesting and amusing things happening everyday... hmmm...

Kaitlin

I missed blogging a HAPPY BIRTHDAY wish to Kaitlin. She turned 13 on March 27th, which was also Easter Sunday. Sorry babe, I am a bad mother in this department and many more I am sure.

We went on a a shopping road trip yesterday with Kaitlin's auntie Kelly and cousin Chantal, who will be 13 in 3 days. Happy Birthday Chantal!.

We had a lot of fun. Usually Kaitlin & I have a huge blowout meltdown when we try to shop for her. We have a lot of different ideas on what she should be wearing and she is 13 now which makes it even tougher. I don't know if having Kelly (for me) and Chantal (for her) there made a difference or not, but it was a really fun day. Not one single meltdown, not one single blowout. We all came back without any of our money. Kaitlin did really good with her purchases and has some really nice pieces to add to her wardrobe.

And as a bonus, Stephanie scored some Avril Lavinge tickets for July 29th, Neesja, I will be needing that Friday afternoon off, so don't make any plans! Kaitlin and I will be on the road again and may even attempt some more shopping together.

On a completely different note, I am so happy spring is finally here.

Brief (giggle)

As I sit her in Dean's briefs (I like wearing his old ones after the elastic is gone, but not quite all the way, they really are the most comfortable underwear available, don't get me started on the whole thong thing, thats another post) reading my horroscope & checking the weather forecast, I thought I should post a brief (giggle) post to let you know I am alive. Its been a nutso week at work & home and our phones lines were down for a few days as well.

I am off to take Kaitlin on a day trip for some birthday shopping in less than I hour. I should have some interesting (?) shopping with a 13yr old stories to post tonight.

Set the record straight

I must set the record straight.

My family really does know how to take care of themselves. They are more than capable of feeding themselves. Dean does 80% of the dishes in this home. Dean takes out the garbage 95% of the time. Dean does 100% of the sorting and dropping off of the overflowing recycling bin. Dean will feed & water the dogs as necessary. Dean does not cook very much. That is my department. The rule in our house is if you cooked the meal, you don't clean up the meal. If you didn't cook the meal, you clean up the meal. I like to cook, Dean does not, so he cleans. I hate dishes so this works out well for us. Dean can clean the bathrooms, dust, vacuum & will sweep and wash floors. And he does a good job. I do most of the laundry at my request. Its just best. I do almost all the household and grocery shopping. I handle most of the financial stuff. Dean finds it frustrating and its what I am trained to do, so I should know what I'm doing, you'd think.

Kaitlin is more than capable of feeding herself and she can be made to do any of the above chores. She just looks at chores the same way any 13yr old does.

I felt very strongly that my kids would know how to keep a household. And they do. Craig and Stephanie are awesome at keeping their place clean and organized and they aren't living on Ichiban. Gen is no slouch either, but I can't take credit for that, I must give that to her parents.

I just feel like my home has been out of control the past few months. Dean has been concentrating on his new job and he works on a 7 day on, 3 day off, 7 day on, 4 day off 3 week schedule and when he is on his 7 days on, I might see him for 2 hours a day. These 2 hours are not used for household chores or parenting issues. I feel like a single parent for these stretches and I don't like it. I hate being the nagging one always telling everyone to hang up their jackets please or pick up their bags or put their dirty socks in the laundry or please put your dishes in the dishwasher. What? The dishwasher is full of clean dishes??? How the hell did that happen??? Oh yeah, that was me, I filled it with the dishes YOU left on the coffee table and then I turned it on. NOOO, you don't leave your new pile by the sink, YOU can empty the dishwasher and then put them in the now empty dishwasher. Yes, I realize that might take longer than the commercial break. SUCK IT UP! Dean comes home tired and only has 2 to 3 hours to shower, eat, pack his bag for tomorrow and try to get a snatch of relax down time before he heads off the bed to try to get a half decent night's sleep. He is usually in bed between 8 & 9pm as he gets up between 3 & 4am.

I really miss going to bed with him. I really miss saying goodbye to him in the mornings. Even on his days off, he can't seem to stay up with me. I completely understand his body is on a schedule and you can't mess with it much, but damn it. I miss him. I miss his support, his company, his help, his humor. I like his paycheck. But I'm not sure its worth it. His paycheck isn't big enough to make too many sacrifices for. If it was big enough that I could quit working, or big enough that we could pay off a bunch of bills quickly and start doing some of the things we could never afford to before, like travel, grow big saving accounts or even go out for nice meals more than at REALLY, REALLY special occasions, I could rationalize the loneliness I feel as a compromise, but its just a nicer paycheck, not an I LOVE his paycheck.

He is happier though. He doesn't come home miserable and cranky and unapproachable. He smiles and laughs easier. But now I come home miserable and cranky and unapproachable. I am finding it harder to smile and laugh.

My family

My family would miss me pretty fast because they don't know how to get food from the fridge/pantry to their plates. If I put all the food on plates and stacked them in the pantry & fridge like that, they could probably go for days, until the sink or the garbage over flowed onto the floor and the dogs ate all the rotting shit (because no one checked their food or water dishes)and got sick and threw up on their beds.

That's when they would notice I was missing.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!

Someone puked on my bed!!!!

MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!


mom??????

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEPHANIE.

Hey Babe, I love you. I hope you have a fantastic day.

I have to apologize too though. I slipped in the mom department, again. I didn't get you a birthday card to mail to you. I sent you an e-card though. Just what kind of mom forgets to buy & mail a birthday card for her daughter's first birthday living away from home (This would be the same mom who doesn't call her daughter on her 18th birthday when she is four provinces away for a week)? I love you babe! I'll be thinking of you all day. I am going to go and buy a small green cake to share with Dad & Kaitlin to celebrate.

I miss you.

Happy St. Patricks day to everyone else, don't forget green today. I love green. It is my favourite colour.

March

long
cold
taxe$
quick
warm
sunny
primetime
dirt
dust
longing
seeds
planning
Chocolate
turkey
NO! HAM instead!
sunny
longing
chocolate
Ham
birthday cakes
walks
walks
walks
sunny

I skipped

I skipped spin class tonite. I can't really tell why, just didn't feel like it. I spent the evening with my husband before he heads back to his long days and early bedtimes for another 7 days/nights. It was really very nice. Nicer than sweating and worrying about butt blisters. He made supper tonight and cleaned the house today. I wanted to be with him.

This morning I wanted to run far, far, far away from him, that or beat him with something blunt, but this evening I wanted to be with him.

Go figger.

Rain, rain go away

It's raining. Its been raining for 12 hours and with all the melting snow my back yard is a lake. I am expecting ducks and geese to show up any time now.

I really wanted to go toboganing today. I haven't been out once yet this year and what's winter without a toboganing experience and hot chocolate. Unless that rain turns to snow and the temperature drops, I'm S.O.L.

I am listening to all the Elvis songs I downloaded and I think I am going to make my own Elvis CD.

Yesterday I found myself at the gym again (good thing) walking on the treadmill beside my girlfriend on the eliptical talking about how nice it is outside and how being active by walking the dog, playing soccer with the kids and stuff like that is better for you than using these machines, but we agreed that in winter in Canada, you need these machines. Then we decided to get off them and go for a walk.

We walked about 45minutes and got our feet quite wet from all the melting snow. I jumped in a puddle and splashed her pretty good. It was a blast! I hope you forgive me girlfriend, but I can't promise I won't do it again. If its any consolation I am very sore today (but I am enjoying it).

Tassie is feeling really good and hasn't touched her stitches yet. Thank goodness, cause once she starts it will be hard to keep her off them. I want to give her a bath really badly, she has gunk stuck in her fur from the surgery, but I know you are not supposed to get stitches wet.

Neesja is in Edmonton this weekend and she is going to pick me up a pair of padded these. She promised me they will prevent any more blisters.

Elvis' version of Blue Moon sucks.

Butt crack blister update

Thanks for the concerned phone call about my butt crack blister Mom. I hardly even notice it anymore.

Did you know that if you Google butt crack blister there are 31,300 links and I am not anywhere in the first 10 pages?

Tassie

is my 14 yr old poodle. She is an absolute darling. She has more manners than a lot of people I know. She went to stay overnight with the vet last night. She had REALLY BAD PLAQUE & EVEN WORSE BREATH. Most farts smell better. I am not lying.

Anyways, I was concerned. At her age it is a risk to put her under. But she came through her morning surgery with flying colours. They only had to remove 8 teeth and they said her gums and her bloodwork were both in remarkable condition. For her age she is in great shape.

WHEW! She came home late this afternoon, still quite groggy. By 7:30 she was wanting a drink of water. I had strict instructions "NO FOOD OR DRINK until morning". But I know what it is like to be thirsty. I know she has had no food or drink since about noon the day before. I know she might throw it right up. I gave her water anyway.

Not a lot, I tried to be firm, its for her own good and that kind of thing. First I just let her lick my wet finger a few times. I'm thinking about when people come out of surgery and they are all groggy & nauseous, they still get ice chips. The finger licking didn't last long. She was thirsty. I let her lick a wet bowl about half an hour later, and then again. Then by 9pm I caved. I let her have a little real water in a bowl, just enough to cover the bottom of the bowl and then again at 10pm. I am such a suck.

SHE DID NOT THROW ANYTHING UP! Hah! SO THERE! And she started to perk up. She is doing great.

By tomorrow she will be a different dog. I am happy for her and for us but mostly for her as we won't care if she breaths in the same room as us anymore and she will get tons more hugs and snuggles, all of which she deserves.

Butt crack

It turns out there is a down side (no pun intended) to spin class. Last night when I got home I was on a real high. I enjoyed spin class a lot. I actually had a moment on the way home where I felt that everything was right in the world again. When I got home I hopped into the shower to get all the icky sweat off of me. While soaping up in the shower, I felt a tender spot IN my butt crack. As there were a lot of tender spots related to my crotch from the bike seat, I didn't think much of another one.

This morning in the shower again, soaping up again, the same spot stung really, really badly. I thought "great, I got a zit down there". It has been know to happen every now and then. But it did not quite feel like a zit. After I was out of the shower, I called Dean in to look at my ass for me, something he never seems to tire of doing.

He says "That's not a zit babe, its a blister".

Now I have smeared polysporin on quite a few of my body parts, but sitting at a desk all day with a slimely butt crack has got to the worst.

Go on, picture it if you haven't already.

spin class

I went to my first ever spin class this evening and what a blast. It so reminded me of being on my bike on the trails in the summer. It was hard, I will pay for it tomorrow and my ass has been rubbed raw from the seat but I will do it again and again for sure. It was so much better than the treadmill.

I loved it!

Theory

I have a theory. Every weblog I have been reading and people I been talking too, all seem to feel out of sorts this past month or two, myself included. Not like anything is wrong, just like something is off, or out of kilter, out of alignment.

I am blaming the earthquake that caused the tsunami.

It shook the world. The whole world. Not just the emotional side of the devastation left in the wake of the tsunami, which shakes up the world enough by itself, but the earthquake itself. It was a huge one. It sent the earth into, albeit very minute but still, a faster spin. This affects everything. Our bodies must adjust. Our bodies innately know something is different. Our emotional selves are trying to deal with the tragedy. This combined with January and February blues, has thrown a lot of people off themselves. We are in a time of readjustment. It will take time to settle.

I am starting to feel a little more settled myself. March seems very promising.

Long weekend

My long weekend has come to a close. With the holiday Monday and both Dean starting his four days off on Friday and Kaitlin home from school too, I took a half day off from work Friday afternoon and have spent the weekend hanging out with them. It has been great.

Friday afternoon, Dean and I looked at some more flooring and did some grocery shopping. We have decided on laminate for the front room. I pulled up all the carpet late last summer hoping the plywood sub floor would give us the little extra boost to go ahead and get it, but alas, here we are with still the sub floor for the first room anyone sees when they walk in the door. Last week we ordered a leather sofa, love seat and chair of the colour and style we have been eyeing for years. Now we HAVE to get the floor in. We picked the floor we want and it should be purchased and installed VERY soon.

Friday evening Dean went to play hockey, and Kaitlin had a friend sleep over and I got to watch two episodes back to back of What not to Wear. Saturday morning I went to the gym, Kaitlin and her friend went snowboarding. I spent a lovely afternoon puttering around and cleaning the house with Dean. We then had Brian, Kelly and their girls over for a hotdog and smokie BBQ and I drank a bottle of wine all to myself (no one else wanted any, they were all drinking beer) while we watched a movie and broke in our new 52" TV that we picked up with the front room set.

Sunday was sleep-in day. A relaxing coffee and brunch then I started the laundry. We watched a couple more movies and Cindy & Willy dropped by with a bottle of wine. I kept it to one glass this time.

Today, more sleep-in, more laundry, an girls afternoon checking out the local dollar store and other such establishments and a nice supper and another movie. I didn't make it back to the gym tonite like I hoped, but Dean and I went for a 40 minute walk and I did 30 minutes of stretches and some various sorts of abdominal crunch type things. I am really looking forward to starting the pilates thing. I am hoping the yoga part of pilates will help me with my emotional and hormonal issues. I wish we had some real yoga here.

All in all a great long relaxing weekend. I'm not even dreading the infamous double Monday that we always have on the first day back from a long weekend.

Hope again

I am starting to feel like there is hope again. The days have been sunnier. My home has been quieter, and spring can't be too far away. I CAN do this.

I went back to the gym Saturday morning and I am going again tonite. I enrolled myself in an introduction to Stott pilates beginners session for this coming Saturday morning at the gym. I purchased two Stott DVDs just after Christmas and this session should get me the basic fundamentals to get my Pilates ball rolling.

Stephanie will be home for 4 days this coming weekend. She always cheers me up. And Tassie goes in to get her teeth cleaned next week too. As she is 14 yrs old, being put under anesthesia is a risk for her but her teeth and gums are so bad, we have decided that the risk is worth it. Her quality of life is weighing in higher than the risk. Her breath is so bad that no one wants to snuggle with her and that is NOT good. She is such a loving sweetie and derserves lots and lots of loving.

February

lonely
long
hopeless
cluttered
worn
exhausted
lonely
long
tired
PATIENCE
lonely
long
tired

Where should I start?

Its been a crazy last 2 weeks. It started with not feeling well. It was a bad PMS time. I usually have at least one bad PMS symptom every month, but this month I had them all at once. Headaches, bloating extrodinaire, crampy, achy, and wow the bitchiness. Now top that all with a good ol' bout of depression. I struggle a bit with depression. It runs in the family on my mothers side. My maternal grandmother had it bad.

I don't have problems anything like dooce did, and I have had an excellent doctor right from the start. I take a small dose of med's and it is controlled very well. January and February are always a little tough though. Now just top it off with a good pile of hormones and KAZAM!

Knowing what's going on kept the bitch somewhat confined though, that and it's hard to be a real bitch when your emotions are also struggling with the dumps.

Now in the middle of all this throw in my family. I am not going to get into it much as I love them and they are all very important and good to me. I could not do with out them in my life. BUT, it gets to be a bit much for me to handle. One of my sisters has decided to move away, and I mean away, she is taking her family two provinces over. This is not a small decision for her and her family. I admire her guts. Things are not working for them here and they have decided a fresh start is what they need. I want to support them in this decision. You can imagine the guts it takes. I am also excited for them. Change is as good as a rest.

Being such a big thing, it immediately causes a round of endless phone calls and coffee type conversations within "the sisters" and "mom" of why are they doing this and is it a good thing for them. THIS MUST BE ANALYZED TO DEATH and Monarch must be consulted over and over again. I am not allowed to just give my opinion and leave it at that. Lord knows I try.

NOTE: To my mom and any sisters reading this. These are my feelings this week of this situation and how it affects ME. It is not a reflection on you or who you are. You are all awesome, intelligent, caring and very good people that I am proud of being associated with.

Now, in the middle of all this my period starts. YAY!, now my body will settle and my mind can follow. NOPE! It is the annual purge of my innards period. Yesterday I swear I had 6 puppies in 3 hours. I clot, BIG. It used to be like this every month and I was always anemic, but 4 years ago I had a endometrial ablation and things were much better. But it is slowing getting back to the ways things were and every now and then I get one again.

This completely drains me. I am sitting here almost done the purge and looking forward to the next two weeks. They better make up for the last two weeks.

Hey

I finally have some things to blog about, but The Apprentice is starting and you are just gonna have to wait until tomorrow now.

Nothing

I have nothing to say, therefore I will say nothing. This will be a Seinfeld post. Really about nothing. Really. Nothing.










See, nothing. Really.

Reflections

Its been a tough week. Not a bad week, just a tough week. I am tired. I want to get away from all the demands of my life. Not forever, I really do enjoy my life. Just a break. A chance to truly relax. I would like to know what it is like not to have knots in my back and shoulders. A chance to look around me and enjoy whats there instead of trying to avoid anything that looks like it might like to involve me.

I feel like I am always running behind, always trying to catch up, always not quite where I am supposed to be. I always say I know where I have to be next, but I have no idea where I just came from. I would like the time to reflect on what just happened, where I just was, what I saw, said, or did. I would like to be able to look at the ripples of my life. It might just give me a sense of what my life means.


Blah, blah, blah, this is not where I wanted to go with this post. I sound like a whining complaining mid life crisis middle age women.

But, isn't that what I am right now? Is this reflection on myself not what comes next for me? I expect the next few years may be a little tough on me, but that can only make me stronger. And what's wrong with a little, or even a lot, of reflection on yourself every now and then. A season of winter and then spring in your life.

I think I will spend some time this weekend reading the new Lois Hole spring gardening magazine I just purchased.

I didn't even enjoy watching it.

This is Skip-bo for those not in the know. It is tons of fun for anyone. I know a five year old who can seriously kick some ass playing this game and I have yet to meet anyone of any age who has played it and not liked it.

It is a real good family game.

Speaking of Skip, I skipped the gym tonight. I was going to go for a walk, but got all caught up watching the Bachelorette. It's not the kind of show I like to watch, but somehow it got me, and it was a easy excuse not to go for a walk. Sorta. I know, I know, I can hear you all now.."What, the Bachelorette? Mel, you surprised me. I would have thought you would take a walk over that any time?"

Me too, but I guess I just didn't want to go for that walk that bad. I didn't even like watching it.

And the beat goes on, and on, and on...

I am drunk.

No really, as I am wrtung this I am drunk. I had s0me wine and thensome mre and then some coffee, like thaaat heleped. so what the hey, I had anoither glass of wne. Hee, ehh, I canbt even thype this. Haa haa,

Seriously, we had some good freinds ove r for sinner this evening and we ate some food I madwe and tehn i got drunk, I ghink we had some fune, but ehwn I brought out the skpbo they left. What the heck does thatn mena?

I thin therk is tills anotehr bottle of winte left............

The absolute worst

I had a great weekend but it ended with a really crappy sleep last night and then a crappy day today followed. I got cranky for no real reason. BUT, I stuck it out and made myself go to the gym tonight even though that was the absolute last thing I felt like doing.

I have now gone to the gym 2 out of 3 days. I am very happy with myself. Neesja, while I was waiting for Kaitlin and Nicole, I watched you pedal hard and you didn't even know it.

I have my PA first thing at work tomorrow, so that will either give me a great day or make me cranky again, if I'm not already.

I had two things I wanted to blog about just an hour ago and now I can't remember either one. What the hell is up with that? OH, OH, OH, I just remembered both!

One: Today, January 24th, is supposed to be the worst day of the year. Some person proved it mathematically. Something to do with Christmas being over, all the huge credit card bills coming due & having broken everyone of your New Years resolutions by now. I figured we might as well tack on the short days and long nights and cold crappy weather of the Canadian January while we're at it. A lawyer I know once told me that January & February are known in the legal world as the Divorce season. They do over 50% of the years divorces in these two months. It is also known as the worst time of year for suicides.

I don't suppose the fact that everywhere you go, bankers and investment people are pushing Rrsp's and telling you that you don't have enough money saved for retirement and you can't count on the Canada Pension Plan anymore and that just reminds you that its tax season now too.

And two: Now, if most people have broken their New Years resolutions by today, why is the gym so damn busy? I always expect it to be busier after New Years, but usually by now it has started to slack off a bit. Tonight was the busiest I have ever seen it. I go there and work myself up to a good workout mindset and then I have to sit and wait up to 10 minutes for a machine. Then when I get through my cardio I have to fight 16 to 22 year old young men who are all just goofing around and showing off for the 3 young pretty perky girls their age and ignoring all us fat 40 year old ladies who are there with a serious plan just to use a piece of the weight equipment.

The absolute worst is when they don't take the 2-75lb weights off the machines when they are done. I refuse to ask for their help, I would rather wait another 10 minutes for another one.

maybe?

Well, Friday night has come and gone. I came home from work, spent about 3/4 of an hour in the kitchen with Kaitlin making a nice dinner, stirfry pork tenderloin & veggies with fat noodles. I cleaned the kitchen as we went and then we had supper and watched Bridget Jones Diary, well... I did anyway. Kaitlin ditched me and the sappy chick love flick and commandeered MSN and neopets. Much more interesting for her. We then watched what not to wear and I plucked her eyebrows for the first time. Poor girl has really dark thick brows, it was time to start getting her used to it. I think I will take her to get them waxed once she gets used to the plucking. She does however have the most beautiful thick dark lashes to compensate.

I love that movie, as soon as it ended I wanted to watch it again. It's like hitting the end of a really good book. I want more! I haven't seen the sequel yet, it hasn't made its rounds to our little city theatre yet. I have read the books though and it should be just as good as the first.

I had a great evening and the only thing that was leftover to do today was the dishes. I got to sleep in a little this morning, picked up my girlfriend and went to the gym. Had a great workout, I pushed myself more than I ever had, every time I go it gets better. I am actually starting to look forward to going.

The sun is now shining and the temp outside is warming. Laundry is started and I feel good.

Wow, maybe I'm on to something.

Can you believe?

Its hard not to blog about work. It is so much a part of my day. I get up in the morning and everything including my first decision of the day (should I have a cup of coffee right away or wait until I get to work so I can drink more when I really need it) is all with the thought of getting myself to work and through the workday.

Then I work for what seems like hours and hours with sporadic coffee drinking, eating and bathroom visits (not all at once although I have caught myself drinking coffee while peeing).

Then I go home and unwind from work and everything I do is trying to catch up on all the stuff I would have done by now if I wasn't at work all day and on the rare evening that there isn't anything of the sort, I try to pre-organize myself for the next workday.

The only exception to this rule is Friday night when I just exist. I do nothing and no one better expect anything from me. My family knows this. They can do almost anything and eat almost anything for supper as long as it doesn't involve me. I don't even care if no one cleans up after themselves. I can get away with this only because tomorrow is Saturday. I have a whole day to catch up from Friday night. It usually takes the whole day too.

Then Sunday is spent doing all the things I should have done on Saturday and Sunday evening is another work evening.

No wonder I never seem to have any spare time to go for coffee with my friends, work on one of my MANY never ending projects, go for a walk with the dogs, or even to the gym.

Can you believe that I, an almost 40 year old woman, just figured this out now as I am typing?
Wow, I need to blog more. I wonder what will happen this Friday night?

January

Cold
Dark
Long
Quiet
Big soft piles of blankets and pillows
Snuggles
Movies
Warm food
Hot drinks
Fires & Candles
Snuggles
Dirty windows don't matter
Crunching snow
Bright stars
Cold
Dark
Long
Quiet
Snuggles

Today

Kaitlin is my third child. She has, in the past few months, reached the stage of in between. She is in no way any longer a child but doesn't yet fit into the adult world. As with Craig and Stephanie at the same time in their lives, every now and then I will catch a glimpse of the women, or in Craig's case, the man, she will become. It's a quick fleeting moment in time that always throws me off. I am never expecting it. It will be a sudden smile over their shoulder or a few steps on their walk to the school bus stop. Sometimes its in the way they laugh at something silly one of the dogs or I have just done or just the way they will put down their fork. Always it shows itself and then disappears before my mind processes what I just saw.

It floors me every time.

But with Kaitlin, I have a little bit of a practiced eye. I am starting to catch more of these moments. And today, our photographer caught one on film, or in technology's language he caught one on a digital chip.

Kaitlin and I spent about a 1/2 hour in the studio to get her school photo package done. George is an award winning professional photographer who has taken my children's annual photos since Kaitlin was 3 yrs old. He does an absolutely fantastic job of it, but today, he out did himself.

The very first shot he took to test the lighting was the winner of the bunch. He took about 15 shots total, in various poses, but after looking at them all, he didn't really have to. This one is the kind of photo that could be in a wall of photos and would call me from across the room and I would have to stand and just look back at it for a while.

It is going to be very hard to wait the two weeks for the package to be printed and to give them out.

Its done!

Its done! Its done! It's done! Maggies dress is done! Good thing as she is leaving tomorrow.

My time?

Here it is January 10th already and I still have one VERY IMPORTANT Christmas project to complete. It is baby Maggies Christmas gift. Thank goodness she is still an infant and doesn't know how stupid this is.

I took the day off today to have more than 5 minutes of me time in a row. I planned to sleep until I woke up and then read and watch silly daytime programming until I fell asleep again.

BUT, I have approx 10 loads of laundry (I haven't even sorted it yet), baking (I have 10 black bananas and 3 loaves of bread dough to do something with), cooking ( I have leftover turducken carcass's on the boil as I write), shopping (not even enough to give the poor dog a bone in my panty, PANTRY, I mean PANTRY, cause I am boiling the last bones again, think pantry for my supper damn it!) and now add the little dress I need to sew together to my list. I also want to spend some time visiting Maggie and her mom. They have been in town since Dec 19th and I have only seen them at Christmas family get-togethers. I am hoping to squeeze in a coffee visit this afternoon. None of this got done on the weekend because I was out of town.

AND I feel like crap today. My throat hurts, my sinus's are stuffed and my ears are plugged.

I am going to go start the laundry, make a pot of lemon tea, and sew that little blue and pink fleece dress together, make some phone calls, have some lunch, go for a quickie coffee visit, get some groceries, pick up Kaitlin from school, come home and bake cinnamon rolls, buns and banana bread, cook up some noodles for the soup stock and take a long hot bath and go to bed by 8pm and watch some silly evening programming until I fall asleep.

Or maybe I will just go have a nap with the dogs. Hhhmmmm....today is supposed to be MY TIME.

Idiots.

What is it with the average Joe citizen that he/she is willing to trade the right thing for convenience???

Everyday I see an example of this. We live in a world of "convenience". "Convenience" is everywhere you look. The food we buy has no nutrition anymore, but damn its "convenient" to buy, "convenient" to prepare, "convenient" to eat and even "convenient" to discard of. It is shoved in your face everywhere. I dare you to look around you right now and see how many "things of convenience" are in the same room as you.

Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for convenience. It can save you a lot of time, (and we all need more time to pack in more convenient things). BUT!, when it is the right thing to do, the right thing to say, or even the right thing to eat, and it isn't convenient, people will refuse to do it, say it or eat it. How may times have you heard the words

"It's just not convenient"

A really good example of this is in a previous job, and I will not say which of the many, a telephone conversation with a client roughly went like this;

Client: I did not receive my statement this month, how much do I have to pay and when is it due?
Me: Your payment of $$$ is due by mm/dd/yy.
Client: But, I did not receive my bill, therefore I do not have to pay it.
Me: But I have just told you how much is due and when it is due, you do not need your statement to pay this.
Client: As I did not receive it, I do not have to pay it.
Me: But the contract you signed did not specify that you did not have to make your payment unless you received a statement. You agreed that you would make your payments no later than the due date or a penalty will be applied.
Client: WHAT! A PENALTY! I'M NOT PAYING ANY FUCKING PENALTY WHEN "YOU" DIDN'T EVEN SEND ME A STATEMENT. WHERE THE FUCK DID I SIGN THAT, SHOW IT TO ME!


I did kinda clean up the language. My point is, it wasn't convenient for the client to make his/her payment as he/she did not have a statement which would conveniently show him/her how much and when and where to pay it. He/she may have had to pick up a pen and write this down somewhere, and I'll even wager, no one conveniently left a piece of paper or pen next the the phone for him/her. He/she was already mad at me because I did not conveniently call to see if he/she received his/her statement and he/she had to LOOK for my phone number. Lucky for me it was conveniently in a phone book.

It happens all the time. People do not want to go out of their way for anything, even if they know its the right thing to do.