Lately I have found myself thinking a lot about my body. The shape of it. I am carrying around fifty pounds too much. Over all this doesn't really bother me much. Of course I would love to fit into a size 9 or even a 11 again, but I know that it is an unrealistic thought. I could drop the weight if I really dedicated myself to it, but I don't really care to put myself through that. I am comfortable enough with myself to enjoy my bad habits with out guilt. I think I deserve that. What I have really been thinking about is my breast reduction surgery. It won't be happening for at least another 10 months but I am excited.
I am starting to resent my heavy hanging hurting breasts. I think I never quite realized just quite how heavy, how hanging and how hurting they were until I decided to pursue the surgery and set out on this road. Now I don't want to wait. I want them gone now!
I think my current resentment with them also comes from a need to update my closet. My new job needs some new clothes. I need to be attempting a more professional look for my position. My current closet is more business casual than business professional. I have been trying on a lot of clothing and nothing fits right.
A few months ago, I probably wouldn't have been so sensitive to it but now, knowing it isn't always going to be this way, I don't want to settle. An okay fit just doesn't cut it anymore. Besides a professional closet is more expensive than the casual look and I am having trouble spending money on "okay". Especially if I am going to have to do this all over again after the surgery next summer.
Mind you, I expect clothing of all styles will fit better then. Except the bottom half of my body. That half I will have to actually work on myself. After I go eat my cherry blossom in bed.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I am the worst blogger for any kind of regular updates. It is what it is.
2 comments:
I know AutoCAD. If you ever need some drafting, I'll do it for you for free. Or a case of Cherry Blossoms. I haven't had one of those for years. Hmmmm... I might have to go get one now.
Thanks a lot.
I think it's awesome that you're comfortable with your body. I think you look fine, BTW. I meant to tell you that the other day but I wound up distracted.
I've always felt that a woman with some extra pounds here and there who is comfortable has a sexyness than any perfectly* formed woman who's not comfortable with herself. A couple of years ago I saw a woman at a coffee shop who was easily 250 pounds and she exuded the most incredible confidence and grace that I thought she was the sexiest, most genuinely beautiful woman I'd seen in a long time.
*Of course there's no such thing as a 'perfectly' formed woman. And like you said, any attempts at acheiving such a form require a lot of work that could possibly be better directed somewhere else.
Oops, I meant to make "fine" as in "you look fine" in italics, as in "honey, you look FINE", like a super cool black momma would say it. Not "fine" as in "just alright".
Sorry about that.
My bad.
Post a Comment