Set the record straight

I must set the record straight.

My family really does know how to take care of themselves. They are more than capable of feeding themselves. Dean does 80% of the dishes in this home. Dean takes out the garbage 95% of the time. Dean does 100% of the sorting and dropping off of the overflowing recycling bin. Dean will feed & water the dogs as necessary. Dean does not cook very much. That is my department. The rule in our house is if you cooked the meal, you don't clean up the meal. If you didn't cook the meal, you clean up the meal. I like to cook, Dean does not, so he cleans. I hate dishes so this works out well for us. Dean can clean the bathrooms, dust, vacuum & will sweep and wash floors. And he does a good job. I do most of the laundry at my request. Its just best. I do almost all the household and grocery shopping. I handle most of the financial stuff. Dean finds it frustrating and its what I am trained to do, so I should know what I'm doing, you'd think.

Kaitlin is more than capable of feeding herself and she can be made to do any of the above chores. She just looks at chores the same way any 13yr old does.

I felt very strongly that my kids would know how to keep a household. And they do. Craig and Stephanie are awesome at keeping their place clean and organized and they aren't living on Ichiban. Gen is no slouch either, but I can't take credit for that, I must give that to her parents.

I just feel like my home has been out of control the past few months. Dean has been concentrating on his new job and he works on a 7 day on, 3 day off, 7 day on, 4 day off 3 week schedule and when he is on his 7 days on, I might see him for 2 hours a day. These 2 hours are not used for household chores or parenting issues. I feel like a single parent for these stretches and I don't like it. I hate being the nagging one always telling everyone to hang up their jackets please or pick up their bags or put their dirty socks in the laundry or please put your dishes in the dishwasher. What? The dishwasher is full of clean dishes??? How the hell did that happen??? Oh yeah, that was me, I filled it with the dishes YOU left on the coffee table and then I turned it on. NOOO, you don't leave your new pile by the sink, YOU can empty the dishwasher and then put them in the now empty dishwasher. Yes, I realize that might take longer than the commercial break. SUCK IT UP! Dean comes home tired and only has 2 to 3 hours to shower, eat, pack his bag for tomorrow and try to get a snatch of relax down time before he heads off the bed to try to get a half decent night's sleep. He is usually in bed between 8 & 9pm as he gets up between 3 & 4am.

I really miss going to bed with him. I really miss saying goodbye to him in the mornings. Even on his days off, he can't seem to stay up with me. I completely understand his body is on a schedule and you can't mess with it much, but damn it. I miss him. I miss his support, his company, his help, his humor. I like his paycheck. But I'm not sure its worth it. His paycheck isn't big enough to make too many sacrifices for. If it was big enough that I could quit working, or big enough that we could pay off a bunch of bills quickly and start doing some of the things we could never afford to before, like travel, grow big saving accounts or even go out for nice meals more than at REALLY, REALLY special occasions, I could rationalize the loneliness I feel as a compromise, but its just a nicer paycheck, not an I LOVE his paycheck.

He is happier though. He doesn't come home miserable and cranky and unapproachable. He smiles and laughs easier. But now I come home miserable and cranky and unapproachable. I am finding it harder to smile and laugh.