AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

....RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!.....

Happy Love Fest

It's Valentines day today. Trying as hard as I could, I still couldn't avoid it.

My husband loves me. I know that. He is not the romantic type to send me flowers or buy me gifts on Valentines, Birthdays or Anniversaries. I understood this before I married him. I still understand this and love him no less for it. With our relationship based on mutual love and respect for each other, we don't engage in the spending of lots of money on days designated by society.

But as I was in the drugstore today picking up a prescription anyway, while I waited, I looked at all the cards on the rack. That took all of 3 minutes as there wasn't much left. The ones that were left were pretty lame. They were either aimed at 3 yr olds or filled with sexual innuendos. I ended up picking him up a novel that I hope he will enjoy and a small chocolate treat and stuffie for Kaitlin. I do wish I had thought of this a week ago, so I could have mailed a little something to Craig, Genevieve, Stephanie & Todd. Sorry guys, I will just have to owe you a lasagna next time your home.

So, even though we are not holiday spenders (except for at Christmas, but that's another blog) I ended up spending about $60 on the day. The drugstore gifts cost me $20.00 and then I decided on impulse as I was leaving work, that it would be nice to just pick up some supper and dessert at the local grocery store. Another $40 bucks on a roasted chicken, spuds, salad, cake and cookie dough/brownie ice cream. They were out of rolo ice cream so I had to go with the next best.

ROLO ICE CREAM IS THE BEST ICE CREAM EVER!

I left Dean a voice mail asking him to pick up a bottle of wine on the way home. I figured if I am gonna be a last minute spending sucker he must as well come on over to the dark side with me.

Happiest of Love fests to all.

I've been sick.

I have been sick for the past week and still feel pretty crappy. Last, last Thursday evening Kaitlin started complaining she wasn't feeling well. By Friday morning it was quite evident she was sick, so she stayed home from school. She was sick through the weekend, and on Monday morning was still not well. Monday evening, when I left work for the day, I noticed a bit of a scratchiness in my throat, but thought nothing of it. By the time we sat down for supper I was feeling like I was getting sick and my throat was hurting pretty good. By the time I went to bed, early that evening I was sick. Head pounding hurt, raw throat, fever, every muscle in my body aching fiercely. My fingernails were screaming at me to stop the hurt. I was so surprised at how fast it all came on. I went from noticing a little something in my throat to full blown in bed flu within 3 hours. I can't remember being that sick in over 10 years.

Kaitlin has not been back to school yet. It has been 9 days for her today and she is still worn down tired and ache-y. I have been able to predict every thing I have experienced exactly 4 days after her. We took K up to the hospital one evening last week. I thought if she isn't getting any better after 5 days, it's time to have an university educated health care person give me some input. The doctor said she was the same as the previous 75 kids he had seen that day. Take her home, put her in bed, give her whatever cough/cold medicine she prefers, control the fever with acetaminophen and don't send her back to school for the rest of the week.

I was 24 hours into my sickness at that time, and at that point scared.

Since the first 36 hours I have been very slowly feeling a little better each day. I missed 3 days of work and count myself lucky that was all. K is going back to school tomorrow. I think although it will most likely tire her, it will also do her good to give her eyes a chance to view something other than the TV screen or the back of her eyelids. She has been sleeping around 12 to 14 hours a day.

Now the good news. I am going to fly to BC in May. I am going to fly for the very first time in my life and I will be doing it all by myself. I am both excited and nervous about the plane ride.

Sunday nite

Hey y'all,

It's Sunday evening and I don't know where the weekend went or what I even did. Well, that's not entirely true, I know I did a few hours of grocery shopping, more than a few hours of laundry and was at the office for a few hours as well. Throw in some well planned and prepared healthy meals, some healthy baking and a dog walking and I guess there isn't much time left to do anything.

I started a new book. Tuesday's with Morrie. I've been wanting to read it for quite a while and when I saw it at the grocery store the other day, I grabbed it without a second thought. So far so good, but it isn't a very thick book so I don't expect it to last me long. I really should be picking up a few books that would help me with work, but I just can't get into them at home. I like my job, but not quite enough to read about it at home.

I am feeling out of sorts today. I feel really bagged, but at the same time very restless. I thought I needed some exercise, its been way too long, at least a week since I've worked out at the gym, so I took the dogs for a walk. It was a good half hour at a good pace with hills. I even put on my big heavy winter boots and coat to make it a better work out. I got some good steam going and was sweating and everything, but when I got home I was even more tired than when I left and I still feel that way hours later. The fresh air was nice though. Too bad the sun wasn't out, that may have helped.

Even though it's still early, I think I am going to go to bed with my book. Tomorrow is going to be a very hectic day and I'll most likely be at work late. If I can, I might head to the gym after work.

See ya'

I should be folding laundry

but instead I'm burning and listening to this.

Now I know...

...who my readers are. Not a big bunch are you? That's just fine. The more readers, the more pressure.

I was thinking all week about what I would change and there really isn't anything big. Even if I could change some of the negative stuff I wouldn't because it all leads to more positive stuff in some way or another.

The only thing I could come up with was I wish I had worked out more and ate less crap. I wish I had worked harder at losing some weight. Well, that said, I can't go back, I can only go forward. So, forward we all go.

Goodbye 2005

It has been a different year. Too much bad stuff but a lot of good stuff too. A lot of endings and some new beginnings. The year is ending on a good note though, and I have high hopes for a good 2006.

I have a question for everyone. Please leave your answer in the comments and feel free to ask me one too.

If you could change one thing that happened in 2005 what would it be?

Sunday

Well, I guess we all get to miss it. I had a long post written today about babies, friendships and love. I even saved it to drafts to make sure I didn't lose it while I seached for links and photos to attach. I got those all edited in and when I hit the publish post button, it ALL DISAPPEARED!! Gone, nowhere to be found.

I guess we will just have to suck it all up.

Holy shit

This is my second weekend in a row at home. It's been months since I can say that. I feel as if I've been everywhere and I can't remember what everywhere is. If that sentence doesn't make sense to you that's because it's not supposed to. That's how I feel.

By the way, did you see what I wrote on my sidebar about trying to write a couple times a week and changing my focus of what my blog is meant to be? HAHAHA... I am fucking hilarious aren't I? I really thought that I could do that when I wrote it at least a month ago.

I have no idea what to do with this blog. I want it to flow freely and be some kind of essence of me and my creativity, but I wasn't even able to set it up or personalize it myself. Chair did all that. THANKS CHAIR I LOVE IT!. She knows me better than I do sometimes.

Anyways, this post is going kinda off sounding like I am in a sort of self destructive mood and I really am not. I am feeling frustrated with myself over this blog thing though. I think I am just getting those feelings out.

Hey, isn't that what I said I wanted to do here? How about that, it's sorta kinda working after all. Holy shit.

More photos

I finally updated Flickr. That's enough for tonite.

I am tired.

My seasonal allergies seem to have found a strong hold on me this week. If its anything like the past two years, every time it is cloudy and rainy, any dampness at all and I will be bagged and this year that's everyday. Not much sunshine going on here.

That and work has kicked into high gear. I have been very busy, which is absolutely fabulous, but I am feeling it.

I went to bed and pretty much straight to sleep at 8:30 last night. I slept straight through to my alarm clock at 6 this morning and I still feel bagged. That's the allergies, I know. Tonight I am going to take it easy again, hit the hay relatively early and since tomorrow is Saturday, I am going to sleep until I have to wet the bed.

I also have to start eating better. I have been really lax on my diet the past two months. I've been eating out much too much and not getting enough fruits and veggies. I tend to eat bad when I eat out. I feel as if it is a treat to eat out, so therefore I can treat myself to what I want and I don't have to stick to what's good for me. AND MORE WATER, LESS COFFEE. When I am tired I drink more coffee, which dehydrates me which makes me tired which triggers more coffee. It is a bad cycle and hard for me to break because I love coffee. The stronger the better.

And exercise. I have not been doing my share. I get more at my new job, the washroom and coffee room are at the opposite end of the building from my office and the office is at least 4 times as big as my previous job, so I know I am moving around more during the day. But I also know that's not enough. I need to get on my bike again or at least start walking the dogs a couple times a week. But my allergies drag me down and I just want to go to bed...

thinking

Lately I have found myself thinking a lot about my body. The shape of it. I am carrying around fifty pounds too much. Over all this doesn't really bother me much. Of course I would love to fit into a size 9 or even a 11 again, but I know that it is an unrealistic thought. I could drop the weight if I really dedicated myself to it, but I don't really care to put myself through that. I am comfortable enough with myself to enjoy my bad habits with out guilt. I think I deserve that. What I have really been thinking about is my breast reduction surgery. It won't be happening for at least another 10 months but I am excited.

I am starting to resent my heavy hanging hurting breasts. I think I never quite realized just quite how heavy, how hanging and how hurting they were until I decided to pursue the surgery and set out on this road. Now I don't want to wait. I want them gone now!

I think my current resentment with them also comes from a need to update my closet. My new job needs some new clothes. I need to be attempting a more professional look for my position. My current closet is more business casual than business professional. I have been trying on a lot of clothing and nothing fits right.

A few months ago, I probably wouldn't have been so sensitive to it but now, knowing it isn't always going to be this way, I don't want to settle. An okay fit just doesn't cut it anymore. Besides a professional closet is more expensive than the casual look and I am having trouble spending money on "okay". Especially if I am going to have to do this all over again after the surgery next summer.

Mind you, I expect clothing of all styles will fit better then. Except the bottom half of my body. That half I will have to actually work on myself. After I go eat my cherry blossom in bed.

Its time

for more photos. This is a sampling of what I've been up to this past summer. Tami, I tried to email some photos, but they came back saying your new email address wasn't valid. Please send it to me again, I must have screwed it up.

Today I woke up

and I was 40 yrs old. So what! To me 40 is not that bad at all. I have lived about half my life now and it has been good. I still have another 40 yrs or more to make it even better.

I am proud of what I have accomplished, and look forward to learning much much more. When I think about how much I thought I knew 10 yrs ago and how much more I have learned since then, I can't help but look forward. I know I can't possibly imagine what lessons I will have learned by the time I wake up 50, only because I had no idea what lessons I was going to learn by the time I was 40.

I like to think "But I am much smarter now, so I can imagine what I will learn by looking at what I have learned, and I am cocky enough to let myself think that some days, BUT, I am also smart enough now (from lessons learned) to know that isn't true.

Have I confused you yet? It's like that at 40.

My god!

How do you guys do it? Everyday I think about posting. Everyday I don't seem to find the time. I guess its just not very high up on my priority list.

Life is good.

I love my new job. It is what I was meant to be doing. It is the perfect fit for me. They want me to do my job exactly the way I have been saying for years customer service/sales jobs should be done. They actually want me to serve my clients best interests. Even if it doesn't make any money for the company. I know, a lot of companies I have worked for say the same thing, but then do the opposite. They don't actually practice what they preach. These guys do.

I am probably getting into dangerous ground blogging about this, but I feel very passionate about it. I can't believe I am being paid to do this.

On another note, we are getting cable back on Monday, so the computer will be much more available to me and my blogging whims. Maybe I will be able to start posting with some kind of regularity.

Life is good.

Wow, what a month.

July
Come and gone
changes
happiness
miles and miles and
smeared bugs on the windshield
joy
learning
loving
exciting
ying and yang
confirmed
resolute
final
completed
redeemed

I kinda like it.

I am sitting here at Chair's place. This is the first time in weeks that I have had more than 10 minutes in a row all to myself and I don't really know what to do with myself. I have already done about 2 hours of reading. I am unpacked and ready for tomorrow. I gave Job a good brushing over and had a long chat with him. Its really quite nice. Since I'm not at my home, I don't have piles of laundry, stacks of dishes, errands or much of any responsible like stuff to do.

I think I like it.

My last day at my old job was Friday. Tomorrow I start a week on training for my new job. An exciting new job that I am really looking forward to. It will have many challenges and learning opportunities for me. The kind I like and I want to jump right in with both feet.

However, the people I spent 40 hours or more with every week are still much on my mind. The job itself, not so much, but the people for sure.

I miss you guys already and hang in there Neesja, you just do what you can and the rest will take care of itself. What needs to get done will.

Hmm...

You scored as Cultural Creative.



Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative 94%
Idealist 69%
Modernist 63%
Existentialist 63%
Materialist 63%
Romanticist 56%
Postmodernist 50%
Fundamentalist 31%

Take this quiz yourself, go to:

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320

NOW!

I want to go home right NOW!

533

sleeps to Christmas 2006, 8 sleeps until I finish my current job, 10 sleeps until K & I spend a week with Chair, J & Theya, 11 sleeps until I start my new job, 22 sleeps until K & I go see Avril and stay with Chair, J & Theya again & thanks to K sitting here reminding me (& correcting my spelling AND punctuation) 46 sleeps until I turn 40.

23 seconds until this sweet face is grounded.