After

Okay, It's been more than 12 hours. I've recovered from the bottle of Merlot at midnight and I still like my idea.

What I wanted to convey was my feelings of inferior posts. I like to blog. I want to post. Everyday during my regular run at life something will just pop into my head saying "post this! this is real, this is posting material". I will think about how I want to tell my thoughts and then Whup!, life grabs me and takes me back and the post slips from my mind. Sometime later I will sit down at my keyboard and I either won't remember, won't know how to start, or most often I will decide it's just too lame and no one will want to read this.

I am going to blame all those great bloggers out there that I check every day hoping for a new entertaining, thought provoking, or just informative read. You know, the ones that when you log on to them and it's still the one you just read yesterday, you're a little disapointed.

I don't want to disapoint you.

I know, its not about you. It's about me. What's going on with me. What I'm thinking and feeling. Where my head's at. If you bump into me on the street and I'm not running late and you just ask me (sometimes you don't even have to ask) I'll tell you. It's just that for me there is something about writing it down. It comes out of my head faster than I can type and as I s....l....o......w.......l.....y type my thoughts, they'll change. Then I'll read them and analzye how someone else will read it and its not what I meant and now I have to change it.

But I must face reality. It's not the great bloggers fault. It's my own feelings of inadequecy and my worries that someone might misread me. I don't want to disapoint and I don't want anyone to think less of me. By blogging straight from my thoughts with no concern to how it may sound to someone else, I could end up doing harm to a relationship I value. I truly value every relationship I have. Even the ones that are hard, the ones that I have to struggle at and the ones that are tiring. I still value them and don't want to do any damage to them.

SO. That leaves me never knowing what I should say or how I should say it.

About 1/2 way through the Merlot and during a new episode of What Not to Wear there was a Geico commercial with the green lizard. One that I never quite understood what the geiko was saying. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had got it this time. A half a bottle of Merlot was all I needed to see the point of this commercial clearly. I suddenly thought "this is a blog". My semi-stupored mind kicked into gear and started putting the thought into words to blog. Then I started thinking about how I should just get up and go and write this now, but the dog trainer was just about to meet Nick and Carmindy and I can't miss that. Another commercial break and 3/4 into the Merlot now, my mind wandered back to what to write. I was already losing the train of how I wanted to get this amazing moment of advertising clarity across and I started thinking about how I know I won't blog until morning and then I know I will have completely lost the moment. That took me straight into the before and after post idea.

Of course after the whole bottle was gone and the dog groomer looked like she will be turning up on a future season of America's Next Top Model, my idea sounded like something that would actually have people disussing around the water cooler.

I don't really care if they do or not. I just want something to get me writing. Something that will allow me to be free with my thoughts and still able to keep all my relationships healthy and valued.

Hence we now have before and after.

I also had two other ideas to get me writing. First, if there is anything you would like me to comment on, say so. Worse case scenario is you just may get a before and after. Second, I should, no promises, start just quickly posting a sentence when one of those blog moments happen. I can go back and before and after it later or not. Either way, I can't forget it for later.