Just once

Just once I would like to sit down to do something and not be interrupted. My life is full of interruptions -like right now as I am typing this D bangs the desk drawer into my chair and wants to know where the stapler is-.

I get up in the morning, -the kettle is whistling I must go make the tea-, and I get Kaitlin up, I go pee, she comes in the bathroom, I wash my face, she gets in the shower, I go to the kitchen, she hollars for her towel, I get in the shower, D comes in and brushes his teeth. I get dressed and blow dry my hair, Kaitlin wants to know where her jeans are, I make myself a bowl of cereal, it gets soggy while I help Kaitlin pack her backpack so she gets out the door before the bus comes.

I try to poo, Cricket (one of our two small dogs) whines outside the door, or if it isn't shut all the way, comes in and wants to sit on my lap.

I go to work, get a coffee and take the first client call-Kaitlin announces she is done her homework, has her pj's on & wants me to feel her skin where her underwear made it all puckery- of the day, as I try to finish up my notes on what we discussed another client comes in, while I am serving him, another comes in, while she waits for me to finish with my current client another one, the one I have been trying to get a hold of for a week, calls and gets put through to my voice mail, and then one of the others in the office needs me to tell them why their papers won't print. 2 hours later when I am almost finally done all my processing and notes on the three first clients of the day, my computer throws me out of my program (most likely because I have too many programs open and running at the same time) so I check my voice mail messages. The one from the client I really needed to talk to that called 5 minutes into my day says he is only home for another 1/2 hour then he is going back to work in camp for 30 days and I won't be able to reach him again until his next 3 days off.

This goes on all morning at the office. I can't even eat my lunch without being interrupted. I sometimes try to work through my lunch and eat at my desk, but I can't concentrate as half the staff come into my office one by one to find out why I'm not gone for lunch yet & clients come in and see me at my desk (my office door has a almost door size window in it). To get even a slice of peace in my day, I go -D hollars a phone message to me from the bedroom across the hall- to the lunchroom to eat my lunch.

This goes on all afternoon as well. I go home, before I even have my key out of the door, the dogs are jumping on me and whining and need to be let out for a pee. Kaitlin is asking what's for supper and when will it be ready before my shoes are off my feet. Sometimes I go straight to the kitchen to prepare food after letting the dogs out, of course, last thing I need is pee/poo on the carpet. Funny how they never do it on the floor. Sometimes I go to my bedroom to change out of my office attire first, but D is there watching TV and as soon as I -Kaitlin starts reading out loud over my shoulder and hiccuping loudly and laughing as I write this- start to disrobe, he gets that look...., I put another load of laundry in, fold the one from this morning, feed the dogs while they pee/poo (inside or outside), read all the flyers/notes that came home from school that day, and then start supper after I have been asked 3 times when are we going to eat?

If I sit down to do something, anything, watch TV, read a book, blog, sew, fill out paper work, it happens over and over again.

I know most of it is my fault. I allow it to happen. I love being a caring wife and mother, I prefer no one in the house fold the laundry or cook. I like that my clients expect good service from me, it means I have proven to them that I give it. I like that the staff feel they can come to me anytime for help of any kind, personal or professional and that they care and are concerned when/if I don't take my lunch break right at the time I can.

I don't know how to balance it all so that I can still find a place and time of peace where I can be just me. I don't have that anywhere in my life.


On another note. Today I hurt someone's feelings. I am not proud of that. I am feeling impatient, frustrated (read above) and it is time for me to start my PMS-ie moodiness crap. I gave back what I have been getting for months. I said out loud what everyone has been thinking. I don't feel that what I said or how I said it was out of line for the time and situation, but none-the-less I hurt someone's feelings. That I am not okay with. I know the two of us will talk this out soon, when the time is right and the feelings are not so raw and it will be uncomfortable, but we will work it out, that I am sure of. And we will both be better off for it all, but I still hate the fact I hurt someone's feelings.

I am very sorry. I know I can be a better person than I was at that moment.


Did anyone notice I got two good sized paragraphs and two small ones out without being interrupted? Maybe they got tired of reading about themselves over my shoulder. Maybe when I threw the stapler...