Its a gray Saturday morning. I was planning on having a coffee on my desk in the morning sun, but alas, no cooperation from Mom Nature today. So I am having my coffee catching up on the computer. Its been so long since I've really posted.
Ada I know you wanted a picture of my butt blister, but it healed before I got around to it. I'm been hoping for a digital camera for my 40th birthday this sumer, so I am trying to get the hang of the whole posting pic's to my blog thing. So in honour of your request, I will test my first attempt at my photo bloggin abilities with this.
http://flickr.com/photos/46519758@N00/16084619/
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Sanity?
Well... I want to write but don't know where to start. My mind hasn't been much of itself for a while now. I do however feel myself starting to come back. I've haven't had any real bad days lately, just a few bad moments and even some really good hours during this past week.
I doubt my sanity at least twice an hour.
But the meds do take time to work, a few weeks before they are really churning seratonin into my brain, so I can't expect to be myself overnight.
The thing that keeps running around with all that extra seratonin in my brain is, is this who I really am? Am I the real me with the chemicals all balanced or is the real me the chemically unbalanced person? Which me do I want to be?
I like the ease of the balanced brain, but I find that while the lows aren't so low, the high aren't so high either. I don't get as down, but I don't seem to be able to really enjoy things. I enjoy things, I just don't "really" enjoy things. Its hard to explain, but I feel like I am just riding in the car and the scenery isn't really changing much. Oh, there's a hill, and here's a valley, but its just a hill and a valley. No mountains, no rivers, no forests, no wildlife, just a field with a hill and a valley, and another field with another hill and another valley.
I also wonder how..... .....how I can be in the middle of a writing a thought and completely forget what I was thinking ................................................ hum ..............................................
ummm ................................................ insomnia? ............... nope ..................................................... lack of libido ........................................... nope ...............................................
......................................................................... hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm ........................... what the hell was I wanting to say?????????????
(I had no idea where my brain went to, so I went back to what I was writing before and added a few more sentences and then, Bam, hormones!)
Oh yeah, hormones! I am really starting to think that this depression (no lets call it the chemical imbalance thing cause it doesn't come with a that feeling that the word depression brings on, the depressed feeling) this chemical imbalance thing I've got going is really strongly tied into hormones. Does anyone know of any good websites that might give me some help in exploring a possible connection? I found this & this & this and I am even more convinced now.
I doubt my sanity at least twice an hour.
But the meds do take time to work, a few weeks before they are really churning seratonin into my brain, so I can't expect to be myself overnight.
The thing that keeps running around with all that extra seratonin in my brain is, is this who I really am? Am I the real me with the chemicals all balanced or is the real me the chemically unbalanced person? Which me do I want to be?
I like the ease of the balanced brain, but I find that while the lows aren't so low, the high aren't so high either. I don't get as down, but I don't seem to be able to really enjoy things. I enjoy things, I just don't "really" enjoy things. Its hard to explain, but I feel like I am just riding in the car and the scenery isn't really changing much. Oh, there's a hill, and here's a valley, but its just a hill and a valley. No mountains, no rivers, no forests, no wildlife, just a field with a hill and a valley, and another field with another hill and another valley.
I also wonder how..... .....how I can be in the middle of a writing a thought and completely forget what I was thinking ................................................ hum ..............................................
ummm ................................................ insomnia? ............... nope ..................................................... lack of libido ........................................... nope ...............................................
......................................................................... hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm ........................... what the hell was I wanting to say?????????????
(I had no idea where my brain went to, so I went back to what I was writing before and added a few more sentences and then, Bam, hormones!)
Oh yeah, hormones! I am really starting to think that this depression (no lets call it the chemical imbalance thing cause it doesn't come with a that feeling that the word depression brings on, the depressed feeling) this chemical imbalance thing I've got going is really strongly tied into hormones. Does anyone know of any good websites that might give me some help in exploring a possible connection? I found this & this & this and I am even more convinced now.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Mothers day
Happy Happy Mothers Day to my Mom and all the Moms out there.
As a Mom, this day is very important to me. It doesn't have to be special in any extra way. I still do laundry, cook a meal, etc. Its just the knowing that society knows what special people moms are. How important they are in our world.
Every last one of them.
Not to take anything away from non moms, they are just as important, dads even get their own day. Just that stop in our lives to say "Wow, you rock!"
To my mom "Wow, you rock!"
As a Mom, this day is very important to me. It doesn't have to be special in any extra way. I still do laundry, cook a meal, etc. Its just the knowing that society knows what special people moms are. How important they are in our world.
Every last one of them.
Not to take anything away from non moms, they are just as important, dads even get their own day. Just that stop in our lives to say "Wow, you rock!"
To my mom "Wow, you rock!"
Sunday, May 01, 2005
April
I've been putting this one off, but since it is now May, I feel I should just get it over with.
April
Foggy
Gritty
Tease
seeds
dirt
worms
mold
chills
pussy willows
foggy
rough
drugged
confused
foggy
thank
god
its
over
April
Foggy
Gritty
Tease
seeds
dirt
worms
mold
chills
pussy willows
foggy
rough
drugged
confused
foggy
thank
god
its
over
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