How now brown cow?

Anyone know where that saying comes from? I know its from my childhood, but I can't remember from what? Sesame Street? Dr. Seuss? Nestle Quik commercial? Anyone?

And what the hey, I guess I'll give and do the stupid survey.

- Total number of music files on your computer? I dunno, how do I find out?

- The last CD you bought was? Rob Thomas

- What is the last song you listened to before reading this message? The 11th track on the Rob Thomas CD, I think this CD will be one of my favorites for a while although its so new I haven't made it through the whole disc yet.

- Name five songs that you often listen to or mean a lot to you. Only 5? Okay, I'll try.....

The songs I always go back to and listen to over and over again are songs that make me feel like singing loudly along with or make me cry, for happiness or sadness.

1) Everybody hurts - REM
2) Some kind of wonderful - Sky
3) Happy together - Turtles
4) Alan Frew's whole first CD, self titled. It just makes me happy.
5) Constant Craving - KD Lang

- Which 3 people are you going to pass this stick to and why?

1) Neesja, its time you started your own blog.
2) Craig, its time you put something on your blog
3) Blaine, because I really want to know.

I am so damn lucky

Really I am. Today was a good day. Nothing fantastic or anything, but a good fair day. The first day since the bad day I haven't felt like I was on eggshells with myself. I relaxed and enjoyed things as they came along. It also was the first day that my clients didn't overwhelm me by all wanting my immediate attention at the same time.

But I just wanted to say THANK YOU to my coworkers and my family. Everyone has been nothing but wonderful and understanding. You guys make me happy to be alive. You guys are what is real and true in my life.

Thanks for being what I needed when I needed it.

this sucks

I lost it, completely, out of control.

I had a busy, but good day yesterday. An excellent evening last night. A good morning, even singing along to the song to the CD on the way to work this morning. And then...

I wasn't at work more than 2 minutes and my first anoyance of the day turned my mood to cranky. Within an hour I was damn pissed. Before I even made it to lunch, I lost control of my emotions.

I totally freaked out on my boss. I couldn't stop crying. I wasn't yelling, but I did raise my voice. I couldn't help it, I had. Absolutely. NO. CONTROL. !!!. I was also completely embarrased & shocked at the same time. I was trying so hard to stop and I couldn't. I couldn't believe myself. I'm pretty sure I didn't offend anyone, but I was a blubbing mess. I am very blessed to have a boss who is very compassionate and understanding and loves me like family. We are a family where I work, and we sincerely appreciate each other even with all our faults, but that is another post. What I really want to say is what happened next. In the middle of this blubbering mess of liquid emotional breakdown, I realized exactly what was happening.

I have been slowly trying to wean myself off of my antidepressants. I have been taking them for 4 years now. I have weaned myself from 20mg every day to 10 mg every 2nd day over the last several months, taking it slowly, and today was my first attempt at 2 days in a row without them.

As soon as this thought made itself clear in my quivering mass of grey jelly, I explained it to my boss, then went straight home, crying all the way, and took 20 mg.

I am still a mess right now, but a controlled mess.

this sucks

My bike and I

I got on my bike last night and Kaitlin and I biked just over halfway to the office I work at and back, approx 7-8 km's. It felt wonderful. It is my warm up/test to see if I am ready to starting biking to work everyday and leaving the golden gaz gussler at home. Kaitlin of course on her new bike would fly by me every few minutes yelling "Right, right, right" signalling that she is going to pass me on my right and I should stay left, just like in the movie Spanglish. It was funny at first, but then I got tired of it, only because she kept passing me. I tried to do it to her once, but I didn't quite get passed her. Damn it.

Anyways, there are three hills on that trail that have the potential to give me really sore legs. Two going and one coming back. The worst is the one coming back. I didn't even try that one, I got off at the bottom and walked up it. Kaitlin rode all the way up. Damn it. By the end of my biking to work stint last year I had only made it up that one once.

The first one on the going I made about half way, the second one I made it all the way. Both of these I was doing with no problem by the end of last summer, but couldn't do when I first started.

I did better than I expected, but not as well as I hoped. You see, I had been trying to keep myself more conditioned over this past winter, and I had been doing very well until about the middle of March, then I really slacked off. I guess it worked as well as I did.

Tonight I go again and I tomorrow I bike to work with my butt blister avoidance shorts.

I come & I look

Everyday I come to my site and look. Everyday I think I should blog something, anything. Everyday I have no idea where to start. I read 7 blogs daily. Some update very regular, some don't. I really enjoy the ones that blog regular. Those people seem to have a lot of interesting or at least entertaining things to say. I want to write everyday, about me, what I am thinking, feeling, what's happened or didn't happen. Everyday I don't know where to start. The things I really want to blog about will get me in trouble, I can't say those thoughts or feelings. The rest just seem plain old boring. I usually end up writing what I did or my family did that day. Then it's really boring. Who cares what time I had a shit, or how many times I did dishes.

This all makes me think my life is mundane, boring and not much to talk about. I know its not that bad, and I kind of enjoy the thought of a easy going, uneventful time in my life, but its certainly not a good one for blogging.

I just may have to make up an alter-ego for my blogging pleasure. Would it be okay to blog about who pissed me off at work today, or how stupid the management is at the place I work, if I used a different name and it wasn't me saying these things?


At the very least, my alter-ego could have interesting and amusing things happening everyday... hmmm...

Kaitlin

I missed blogging a HAPPY BIRTHDAY wish to Kaitlin. She turned 13 on March 27th, which was also Easter Sunday. Sorry babe, I am a bad mother in this department and many more I am sure.

We went on a a shopping road trip yesterday with Kaitlin's auntie Kelly and cousin Chantal, who will be 13 in 3 days. Happy Birthday Chantal!.

We had a lot of fun. Usually Kaitlin & I have a huge blowout meltdown when we try to shop for her. We have a lot of different ideas on what she should be wearing and she is 13 now which makes it even tougher. I don't know if having Kelly (for me) and Chantal (for her) there made a difference or not, but it was a really fun day. Not one single meltdown, not one single blowout. We all came back without any of our money. Kaitlin did really good with her purchases and has some really nice pieces to add to her wardrobe.

And as a bonus, Stephanie scored some Avril Lavinge tickets for July 29th, Neesja, I will be needing that Friday afternoon off, so don't make any plans! Kaitlin and I will be on the road again and may even attempt some more shopping together.

On a completely different note, I am so happy spring is finally here.

Brief (giggle)

As I sit her in Dean's briefs (I like wearing his old ones after the elastic is gone, but not quite all the way, they really are the most comfortable underwear available, don't get me started on the whole thong thing, thats another post) reading my horroscope & checking the weather forecast, I thought I should post a brief (giggle) post to let you know I am alive. Its been a nutso week at work & home and our phones lines were down for a few days as well.

I am off to take Kaitlin on a day trip for some birthday shopping in less than I hour. I should have some interesting (?) shopping with a 13yr old stories to post tonight.